You think you’re managing tasks. Jira is managing you.

Jira isn’t a tool. It’s your new overlord.

You went in to update a ticket. You came out three hours older and broken inside.

Jira doesn’t track progress. It tracks your descent into madness.

Every click in Jira is a step further into the void.

You thought you were agile. Jira made you fragile.

You don’t complete tasks in Jira. You complete quests of suffering.

Jira: where productivity goes to die and take you with it.

You start your day with a sprint. Jira ends it with a crawl.

Using Jira is like arguing with a spreadsheet that hates you.

You don’t close Jira tickets. They close a piece of you.

Jira isn’t software. It’s a slow-motion time theft.

You came for project management. Jira came for your soul.

Jira doesn’t solve problems. It creates new ones with timestamps.

You don’t work in Jira. You serve time in Jira.